OH, THE DAYS WHEN YOU COULD feature a...sexy Mrs. Claus (?) and the words, “Ho, Ho, Ho” on the cover without raising eyebrows. This was our first-ever Best of Baltimore issue: “(A Bit of) The Best & Worst of Baltimore in 1976.” Yes, worst. For a decade or so, we included some real turkeys as part of our list, until we decided it was just too mean—and not useful to the reader. This being 1976, there was much written about the Bicentennial Cake debacle, exclusively under the “Worst” category, needless to say. The melted and ultimately devoured-by-rats cake was awarded “Worst Appearance in the Harbor”: “If Francis Scott Key had seen that ‘by the dawn’s early light’ he’d probably have stayed with the British,” we wrote.

WE’RE AFRAID SEXY ladies were a recurring theme for our first decade or so of BOB covers. Here, joining 1976’s “Sexy Mrs. Claus with Candy Cane” (p. 114), 1980’s “Sexy Lady Drinking Tropical Drink” (p. 120), and 1985’s “Sexy Lady Jumping Out of a Cake” (p. 124) is “Sexy Lady with an Improbably Large Stack of Sandwiches.” Oddly, the promised “Best Creative Sandwich” is nowhere to be found, but we did gives nods to both “Best Corned Beef Sandwich” (Edmart) and “Best Pastrami Sandwich” (Subway?...Yes, Subway). Some since-shuttered eateries that took home awards included Café Des Artistes (crab cake) and Pimlico Hotel (dessert). The hotel may be gone, but the Pimlico cakes live on.

NO, WE’RE NOT SURE WHY A woman with a hibiscus in her hair is drinking out of a pineapple either. (This is not the Best of Hawaii, people.) But our 1980 BOB did feature a “Best Exotic Drink”—Pineapple Paradise from Jimmy Wu’s New China Inn. This issue is chock-full of long-gone businesses, including “Best Salad Bar” (those were trending in 1980) at Meushaw’s on Security Blvd., and “Best Cheap Dinner Special” from Hollander’s restaurant on 25th Street (it featured lamb chops, calves’ liver, Canadian bacon, and a baked potato for $7.95—defibrillator not included). In another oh-so- ’80s moment, Mt. Washington Tavern won “Best Place to Watch Preppies.”

IT’S A BEST-OF MIRACLE. There is not a sexy lady to be found, but instead a true Baltimore hero—Eddie Murray, sporting spectacular mutton chops and an uncharacteristically wide grin and posing with generic ballpark food (Boog’s Barbecue was not even a glimmer in the retired first baseman’s eye at that point). Inside, there were some real doozies—“Best Hairpieces” went to Gentleman’s Gentleman on Joppa Road and “Best Meaty Threesome” went to the Viande Au Trois (filet mignon, medallions of veal, and baby lamp chops) at Les Survivants in Annapolis, while the “Worst Meaty Threesome” went to the Colts defensive line. (We see what they did there.)

IT WAS TOO GOOD TO LAST. After a brief reprieve, sexy ladies are back on the cover. Inside, we were still doing Best and Worst, although clearly our hearts were no longer in Worst, as there were only a smattering of those. Among the best? Lauren Kucner, a 13-year-old from Dulaney High who made custom-fit clothing for Cabbage Patch Kids. (Never has a sentence been more ’80s.) We gave a nod to Jones & Jones in the Village of Cross Keys for “Best Party Clothes” and awarded “Best Honied Delights” to Honeycomb, a bakery in the Light Street Pavilion. “Best Nuts” went to Jeppi Nut and Candy Co. and “Worst Nuts” to prowrestling fans at the Civic Center. We were such kill-joys.

JUST A FEW MONTHS before Working Girl became a box-office sensation, we presented this cover, which moved us out of our “Sexy Could’ve Been a Halloween Costume” era into our “Powerful (But Still Hot) Working Woman” era. And this working woman had it all: a large bag, a bouquet of flowers, chic sunglasses, bold earrings, even a bottle of wine, and certainly some attitude. Speaking of evolving, by then we were also finally finished with our “Worst of Baltimore” list— but in 1988, we tried something new: “Classic Favorites and New Finds,” giving “Best New Late Night Dessert and Coffee” to Vaccaro’s Italian Pastry in Little Italy. Hmm, wonder if that spot will make it? (Twentyseven years later, it’s safe to say we chose well.)

IN 1993, WE WENT WITH A HIGH concept Best of Baltimore: “Secrets of the City.” “Come closer,” the intro cooed. “We’re about to tell you things that only your best friend would tell you.” Inside, we gave “Best 45s” (ask your mother) to Top Cat Record and Novelty Shop on Pratt Street. “Best Vintage Wear” was a three-way tie between Dreamland, The Zone, and Retro (IYKYK). “Best Wine Bar” went to Spike & Charlie’s. And we gave “Best Hot Fudge Sundae” to Café Hon, saying it rivaled Marconi’s, the ultimate praise. On top of all that, we gave “Best Place For Elvis Sightings” to Miss Bonnie’s Elvis Shrine in Canton. Man, we really knew how to live back then.

EVERYONE’S FAVORITE TV girlfriend, WBAL’s Dina Napoli, was our cover model this year, a winner for “Best Morning News.” “Who would you rather have breakfast with,” we wrote, “a. Dina Napoli or b. anyone else?” Elsewhere in the issue we gave Graul’s “Best Birthday Cake” (the more things change, the more they stay the same) and David Simon’s The Corner “Best Bad Publicity” (little did we know the tsunami of good art/bad publicity that was lurking two years down the road on HBO). The package opened with a picture of Sisqo, in all his cropped, silver-haired glory, and we dubbed him “Best Pied Piper of Hip-Hop.” “Thong Song” 4eva.